Hi Mona Lisa,
I need help meeting a man. There are a lot of gay men here in DC, but I don't do clubs, bars, and I drink every blue moon. I do workout and I'm friendly, but most people find me to be unapproachable. The Internet is not working well for me, either. What can I do to be more sociable and meet men? I like sports, but how do you know these men are gay at sports bars and events?
This is hard because I don't have a gay outlet. I'm out here by myself in this lifestyle. Any help will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Shipwrecked in DC
Dear Shipwrecked,
At the end of the rags to riches film, The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Gardner's son (played by the young Jaden Smith) shares a little story with his dad: "There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said 'Do you need help?' and the man said 'God will save me.' Then another boat came and tried to help him, but he said 'God will save me,' then he drowned and went to Heaven. Then the man asked God, 'God, why didn't you save me?' and God said 'I sent you two boats, dummy!'"
This is no Sunday school lesson, but it has relevance. Basically, your love boats are sailing right in front of you. There are plenty of outlets available, you just don't recognize them. As gay men, we're so conditioned into thinking that the only place to find a date is in the bars or clubs. Yet elsewhere, on the sidelines, are good quality gay men that spend their time pursuing their interests as opposed to the next drink special.
The formula is simple (even though the execution might take some practice): Find men who participate in the activities you're interested in.
You say you workout. Well, last time I scanned the free weights section, it was filled with a wide variety of gay men. It may seem awkward, but strike up a conversation or ask a cutie to spot you.
You like sports, so join a gay sports team (you'll find plenty of sports enthusiasts in your area at Outsports.com). Make a move on the court and then make one on the center that's blocking you.
Check out the events, group and club calendar at your local LGBT center. It may sound cheesy, but they have outdoor clubs, book clubs, talk and chat groups, social clubs, and a lot more. Take a look at their calendar and see if something catches your eye.
Also, volunteerism puts you on the fact track to finding a man. Scan the organizations in your area, especially gay ones and offer to help. There are tons of LGBT people that volunteer and what better man than one that shares your same interests and passions.
You say most people find you unapproachable? Assuming you're not talking about the after effects of a garlic obsession, you may want to try approaching them instead. It takes some practice being the conversation starter and a first strike flirter, but eventually you'll get the hang of it. The best way to quell your nerves when making the approach is to drop any expectations. Approach with no fear, because the worst that can happen is you'll end up back where you started.
It may not seem like it, but there are many more gay folks around you doing things that aren't traditionally associated with gay people.
You're belly-flopping by waiting for men to come to you or by thinking your only outlet is a bar. Take a swan dive into your interests and seek a love that shares the same. You may sink the first few times, but eventually a great man will come to your rescue.
Your captain cruise,
Mona
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