Where Gay Immigration is Legal

Updated: February 13, 2009

There are currently 19 countries with gay immigration policies that allow sponsorship of same-sex partners. These countries include:

Australia
Belgium
Brazil
Canada
Denmark
Czech Republic
Denmark
Finland
France
Germany
Iceland
Israel
Netherlands
New Zealand
Norway
South Africa
Spain
Sweden
United Kingdom

Many of these countries also allow same-sex marriage.

What about the United States?
The Defense of Marriage Act of 1996 prohibits federal recognition of same-sex couples in the U.S. and therefore, gay binational couples are not recognized for immigration purposes.

In response to America's lag in gay immigration rights, the Uniting American Families Act was re-introduced to the House and Senate by Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) and Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) on February 12, 2009. The bill seeks to broaden immigration laws by allowing U.S. citizens and legal residents to sponsor their same-sex partners for residence.

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Gay World Tour - Russia

Gay Life in Russia:

Gay, lesbian and transgender people aren't widely accepted in Russia, a post-Soviet nation with a population of nearly 143 million. The estimated number of LGBT Russians is unknown.

Russian political and social life is heavily influenced by the conservative traditions and extreme sexual restrictions of the Russian Orthodox Church.

Gays are often attacked and ridiculed on the streets of Russia and therefore many live in secret. In the last few years, mostly due to the demands and openness of younger gay and straight generations, Russian society is slowly becoming more tolerant of LGBT people. Major cities like Moscow and St. Petersburg now have LGBT clubs and venues.

The Russian slang term for a gay man is "blue" (goluboy) and "pink" (rozovaya) for lesbians.

For more on gay life in Russia, visit Gay.ru, a project of Russian National LGBT center "Together".

Gay Rights in Russia:

Russian President Boris Yeltsin and Russian officials decriminalized homosexuality in April of 1993, following the lead of post-Soviet republics Ukraine, Estonia, Latvia, and Belarus. The move was necessary to gain Western support and to become a member of the Council of Europe. Prior to 1993, same-sex acts were punishable by prison terms of up to five years through Article 121 of the Russian criminal code. Gays and lesbians were also subjected to torture and psychiatric treatment. Today, being gay or lesbian in Russia is no longer illegal, but still considered a "perversion".

Government Opinion of Gays:

In February 2007, Mayor Yuri Luzhkov banned what was to be the first gay pride parade in Moscow. Mayor Yuri Luzhkov believed homosexuality was unnatural and described same-sex love as "satanic". He also believed a gay pride festival in Moscow would cause public outcry.

In response, gay rights groups sued the city unsuccessfully. Organizers held the parade anyway. The illegal festival ended in violence. Approximately 100 religious and nationalist extremists attacked festivals participants and 200 gays were also arrested for violating the ban.

Festival organizer Nikolai Alexeyev told the BBC's World Today, "This event was just the opportunity for us to say no to homophobia and to attract the media attention to this problem and to attract the attention of the authorities."

Weeks before the festival, 39 right-wing and religious activists were arrested for picketing and shouting slurs at patrons leaving a gay nightclub.

Gay Marriage in Russia:

Same-sex marriage is illegal in Russia. Marriage traditions are heavily influenced by the Russian Orthodox Church, which sees homosexuality as a perversion. (Also read Gay Marriage Around the World)

Gay Adoption in Russia:

For the same aforementioned reasons, gay and lesbian couple adoption is not allowed. In addition, the State Duma makes intercountry adoption very difficult. (More on Adoption in Russia)

HIV in Russia:

According to About.com HIV/AIDS guide Mark Cichocki, "The Cold War has been over for years. But for the people of what used to be the mighty Soviet Union the battle against HIV has yet to begin. Russia is in the midst of an HIV epidemic expanding at a frightening pace." Read more of Mark's feature report on HIV Around the World - The Russian Federation.

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Before Your Gay Wedding

Follow these planning steps 10-12 months before the date of your gay marriage or commitment ceremony. Create a planning notebook with a calendar.Create a guest list.Visit and reserve a location and venue.Solicit a pastor, magistrate or officiate for the ceremony.Create a budget.Host an announcement party for family and friends.Consider hiring a wedding planner.10-12 Months Before
6-10 Months Before
4-6 Months Before
2-4 Months Before
2-8 Weeks Before
1-2 Weeks Before
1 Day Before
Ceremony Day

Back to Gay Weddings: Things to Consider

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Am I Enough For My Bi Man?

Mona,

I’m dating a bisexual man right now. We are both black. I’m gay and we’re both in our 30’s. So far, we’ve been monogamous and he has sworn this to me. I just don’t know if he could be satisfied with me. Any advice? Should I break it off or continue? I’m pretty confused because I never thought that I would be dating someone who is bisexual!

Dear Crossroad,

There's been a lot of discussion lately about your bi dilemma. Everywhere, boyfriends (and girlfriends) of bi guys wade in oceans of insecurity thinking that just because their bi lover has two times the amount of people to potentially paddle through, that he is twice as likely to cheat. When in fact, his large candidate pool has nothing to do with any innate need to stray.

Sure, he likes both men and women; but if he is committed to you, then you have to trust that you are the only one he needs. For most bi guys, it's not all about sex and you lessen the emotional and spiritual connection he has for you by assuming that his like for woman parts is synonymous with an unfulfilled need.

You're also assuming that potentially cheating bi guys (or any cheater, really) only does so because they are sexually unfulfilled. Sex is not the only reason people walk the plank. Some jump ship because they are not satisfied emotionally or spiritually... or they could, frankly, just be over and bored with the relationship.

The likelihood of your bi guy cheating is the same as a 100% gay guy cheating or the probability of a 100% straight guy straying. And, most of the time, our worries about losing a love has more to do with our own insecurities than their want of another.

I've said it before: A liar is a liar, a cheat is a cheat and a player is a player, regardless of race, sexual identity or gender. These nega-ties are innate in the individual, not their defining characteristics.

If he told you that he wanted a woman, then my answer would be slightly different; but he hasn't, so you're paddling upstream by assuming the worst. Instead of seeing his bisexuality as twice the potential for him to cheat, see yourself as the winner amongst twice the school of potentials.

So, with your bi guy, you have to do what every other person in a straight or gay relationship does: trust that when he says you're the only one he wants, that he actually means it. That leap of faith is sometimes a hard thing to take, but no relationship can be successful without it.

Yours in trust,
Mona

View the original article here

Hepatitis C and Gay Sex

Definition:
Hepatitis C is a virus caused by the hepatitis C virus or HCV. 80% of people infected with the liver disease HCV have no symptoms. There is no cure or vaccine for hepatitis C.

Symptoms of Hepatitis C: jaundicefatigueabdominal paindark urineloss of appetitenauseaHow is it transmitted?
HCV is transmitted through the blood from an infected person to an unaffected person. Though the spread of HCV through sex is rare, it is possible.

Can it be prevented or treated?
There is no vaccine for hepatitis C and keep in mind, 80 of those infected have no symptoms. Has your partner been vaccinated? Also, use a dental dam, saran wrap or a condom while rimming. Use a condom during anal sex and don't share personal care products like razors or toothbrushes until you are sure of your partner's status.

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Gay Life in India: Section 377

The criminalization of homosexuality in India dates back to 1860, when the country was still under British rule. The statute, officially Indian Penal Code Chapter XVI, Section 377, punished "whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal." Violations are punishable by a prison term up to 10 years and possible fines.

On July 2, 2009, the New Delhi High Court, under Justice S. Muralidhar, repealed Section 377, decriminalizing consensual sex between LGBT adults.

In June of 2008, three Indian cities, Bangaluru, Calcutta and New Delhi, held their first LGBT pride marches just days before the Naz Foundation India Trust, an activist group, presented arguments before the New Delhi High Court to repeal Section 377. The repeal of Section 377 came just days after the second pride marches in Delhi, and Bangalore.

Gay advocacy groups argued that Section 377 had been used by Indian police to discriminate against and blackmail India's LGBT citizens. "In India, gays and lesbians still live highly closeted lives," Vikram Doctor, a member of the Queer Media Collective, told The Washington Post. "There is still violence. There are still many desperate suicides by gay couples. There is still harassment. And there is still intense pressure to marry those they do not want to be with. But today we have a voice."

It is unclear what affect the reversal of Section 377 will have on India's transgender population. Times of India writes, "Even if the HC [New Delhi High Court] rules in favour of transgenders [known as hijras or eunuchs] and declares Section 377 of IPC unconstitutional, it would mean little if corresponding legal rights were not conferred on them through amendments to the Constitution, as well as personal laws, that require moving of appropriate bills in Parliament by the political class."

News and Updates:
A gay couple in Manipur exchanged bouquets in the region's first same-sex union.25-year-old model Karina Shalini wins first Miss India Transgender pageant.View pictures from the first gay pride march in Bangaluru.

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All About Transgender People

The differences between a transsexual person, a transgender person or person that cross dresses is often unclear. Here is a quick rundown of the differences:

Transgender Definitions:

Here are the most frequently asked questions about transgender people:

Q: What is a Transgender Person?

Is It Okay To Use The Word 'Tranny'?

Q: Why Do Men Dress in Women's Clothing?

Q: Do All Gay Men Do Drag?

Q: Why Are Drag Shows Popular?

Q: Do All Transgender People Have Sex Reassignment Surgery?

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Her Son's Coming Out Story

It started the day my son, Ben, had a hickey on his neck. Having a fairly close relationship with Ben, I asked him about it. First of all, like most 17-year-olds, he denied it was a hickey. I quickly grounded him in reality, stating that I most certainly knew what a hickey looked like. He was flustered but also pleased to be sporting this huge purple blotch on his neck.

"Who is she?" I asked. He had several friends who were girls, and I really couldn't imagine him wrestling romantically with any of them. They had always been strictly platonic. He wouldn't tell me who had delivered the hickey.

Being me, I started listing friends, and acquaintances, hoping to hit upon the right name.

"Kelsey? Miranda? Abby?" He denied them all with a foolish grin. As a joke, I brought up the name of a guy friend of his, who had just recently started showing up around our house. I hadn't met Alex yet, but I knew my son had been out with him the night before.

"Alex?" I teased.

"No," he said. But he smiled a smile that I didn't understand and left the room.

I thought about that for a while. As the days progressed, I started to notice some changes about Ben. He was dressing different, wearing newsboy caps, scarves, and sporting an "indie" beard. He was spending a lot of time with Alex, to the exclusion of his other friends. I still had never met Alex. One evening I was supposed to pick up my son from town, where he was hanging out with Alex. I wanted to get gas first, so I came into the parking lot through another entrance. As I pulled in to the dark lot, I thought I saw my son and another taller boy, definitely locked in embrace, up against a van in the shadows. When Ben became aware of my approaching car, he quickly pulled away from the boy and pretended like nothing had happened. He got in the car and the other boy slunk away, giving me a level, defiant stare over his shoulder.

"Alex?" I asked Ben.

"Yup," he said, and changed the subject. I let it drop. I was too much in shock over what I had just seen. In fact, I started doubting immediately that I had even seen what I knew I had seen. The only thing that remained firmly lodged in my mind was Alex's thunderous dark-eyed look, aimed directly at me.

In the next days that followed, I was haunted by that look. Alex came over to the house, or met Ben in parking lots, but it never happened when I was around. They waited until I was at work, or somewhere else. Ben was becoming more and more flamboyant in the way he was talking, dressing and acting. I started asking my daughters if they thought that Ben was gay. My middle daughter evaded my questions.

"Ask Ben," she said.

I left Ben a note on his computer one morning, that said, basically, that all I ever wanted for him, since he was born, was to be happy and to be free to be who he was. It was a little ambiguous, I know, but I thought that if Ben was gay, that the note would tell him that I would still accept him, and that my primary desire here was his happiness. He never said anything about the note.

The day that I was taking Ben's laundry out of the dryer and a "gay pride" sock fell out and landed at my feet, I decided that Ben was really, really trying to tell me something. I couldn't wait any longer. I had to talk to him... more

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Discharged Soldiers

Answer: According to Servicemember's Legal Defense Network, an advocacy organization for LGBT military personnel, over 12,500 servicemembers have been discharged from the U.S. military since the "don't ask, don't tell" policy was signed into law (1993) and enacted in 1994.

The Washington Post reports Pentagon data stating that on average, more than 1,000 service members were discharged each year from 1997 to 2001, but numbers have slowed in the past five years to an average below 730.

Must Reads:

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Anger Management Issues

Hi Mona Lisa,

Was wondering if you can shed some light on my situation. My partner and I are in a committed relationship and have been together for almost two years. We're both intense people, very into each other. He's always been the hot-tempered one in our relationship, while I'm the more relaxed, calm one. He's the type of person who gets frustrated and makes a big deal about taking the wrong exit on the freeway (and blames me for not helping him read the signs) or has a short fuse when something doesn't get done exactly the way he wants it, like fixing new curtains ("You don't know how to fix curtains!?"), or putting on Christmas lights ("Why didn't you tell me the socket was on the other side!?"). And then as soon he explodes, he calms down and starts smiling and being goofy again acting like nothing happened.

I've generally learned how to deal with it and not to call him on it when he's being like that. He makes a bigger deal out of it when I do. I can't help but feel pissed and when he's back to normal he'll be like 'Why are you pissed?"

Don't get me wrong, this doesn't happen every day and he has a lot more good qualities than not and I love him very much. I know that he loves me too. He is very sweet and he takes very good care of me, funny, thoughtful, responsible, etc. But when it does happen, watch out!

We've talked about it several time and he absolutely hates it when I raise my voice. He says that when I raise my voice like that it shows him that I'm just putting up with him and that I don't really accept him for who he us and that I'll get tired of him. He also says that if that happens again, he doesn't think he can deal with it in the long run (implying break the relationship) which basically means that I will always have the role of the sponge, taking it all in and just dealing with it.

Is it just me or is that ridiculous and immature?

Frustrated in OC

Dear OC,

It's not just you, he is being very immature—especially in the context of a relationship. I'm willing to bet your man is an adult version of that kid I saw the other day in Starbucks screaming, rolling on the floor and doing other attention grabbing things while his mom stoically ordered her coffee. I'm not sure if she thought that by ignoring his tirade people wouldn't realize that Damien wasn't hers or if she thought that by ignoring his antics he wouldn't get the attention he needed, thus would calm down or if she was just fed up and tuned it all out. Either way, it wasn't the mom's fault. I could tell she was from the era of tantrum time outs and child empowerment. I was raised in a get-our-act-together kind of household where the kids were accountable for their actions.

Mom, I mean 'mo, your man obviously has anger management issues and has obviously never dealt with his destructive temper. Why should he have to? You stand by his side like the Starbucks mom ignoring his episodes or backing down from his way-too-old-to-be-acting-like-that behavior. I know this seems like the path of avoiding conflict, but what it really does is repeatedly give him a free pass to scream in your ear. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells. I'm sure you didn't sign up to be the Tina to his verbal Ike.

When he yells at you for yelling back, really what he's doing is flexing his muscles just like the kid on the coffee shop floor—daring his mom to discipline him. But the more she ignored him, the more he went off at the mouth. The result: She eventually bought the little boy and absurdly large pound cake just to shut him up. Mission accomplished... for him! And as you can guess: After he got his cake, he smiled and smacked as if nothing happened.

So, how do you handle your grown little boy? Call him on his bluff. If you don't continue to stand up for yourself, he'll continue to step on you. You should be the one threatening to end the relationship, not him. And if he does then call him on it. I know the temptation is to avoid the fireworks, but it sounds like you've reached your limit. Turning a blind eye only delays the fireworks, so why not put out the fuse as soon as possible?

Offer him an opportunity to work on his anger with you. You need a concrete plan of action—therapy or classes—not just words. If he truly cares about having an equal partner, he'll take the bait and get to work. If he continues to give you the "pound cake or me" ultimatum, then pick him up off the floor, look him in the eye and remind him that your relationship isn't just about him getting what he wants. Right now, he has little consideration for how his behavior affects you. But, trust me: He'll start paying attention when you stop giving him your sweets and start taking care of your own needs.

Here are a few resources for your boyfriend:

Yours at Starbucks in Disbelief,
Mona

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Do Gays and Lesbians Get Along

We share an attraction to the same sex; but at times, gay men and lesbians can be quite different (and in many cases very much the same). In this interview, About.com Lesbian Life Guide Kathy Belge talks about queer life from a lesbian perspective.

Ramon: For the most part, gay men and lesbians get along. But, there are some that refuse to mingle. What's the deal?

Kathy: Personally, I have many gay male friends. One of the things I've heard lesbians complain about gay men is that while lesbians will fight and stick up for gay men, gay men don't reciprocate. For example, there's many, many lesbians involved in the fight against AIDS, but you rarely see gay men involved in lesbian breast cancer support. That's just one example. Overall, I think lesbians and gay men do tend to get along, but I also think we like our separate space. I love to hang out with the boys in mixed clubs or at mixed events, but when I go to a lesbian club, I just want to hang with my sisters. Could this be the same for gay men?

One area where I have seen gay men and lesbians join together is in working with GLBT youth. We can all remember what hell it was growing up and can join together to make a better world for the next generation.

Ramon: Are lesbians more serious about relationships and same-sex marriage?

Kathy: I have several gay male couples that I know that were married recently. I think both gays and lesbians are equally committed to the fight for same-sex marriage.

Ramon: Why do you think lesbian relationships more widely accepted than gay ones?

Kathy: For some strange reason, straight men find two women together a turn-on. They also feel threatened by the fact that another man might come on to them. That's my guess. But I do think things are changing: Straight men are starting to see that gay men are really not threatening after all.

Ramon: How has the L-Word changed the lesbian lifestyle?

Kathy: Lesbians are now gathering each Sunday evening in front of the TV. And my guess is that we're having more sex on Sunday night. The show is HOT!

Ramon: Are drag king performances just as big as drag queen shows?

Kathy: Oh Yeah! There's a whole subculture of lesbians who compete and perform in drag king contests. Go see a show! You won't be disappointed. You might even find yourself strangely attracted to that hot woman with a painted on mustache and sock in her pants.

Ramon: Bisexual guys are often considered the step children of the gay family. Does the same apply for bisexual women?

Kathy: Unfortunately there's still a lot of prejudice against bisexual women. Many lesbians wish they would just choose one or the other. I've also heard some women say they would never date a bisexual because the last one they dated left them for a man. Funny, their last three lesbian lovers left them for women, but you never hear them say they're never going to date a lesbian again!

Ramon: Lesbian friends are awesome! How can a gay man find one?

Kathy: Take out a personal ad! No, just kidding. Go where the lesbians are. Many bars and clubs are mixed, men and women. Strike up a conversation with a cute dyke. Volunteer! Most lesbians I know are busy donating their time to worthy causes. Gay and lesbian youth programs, AIDS organizations, Breast Cancer programs, or animal welfare groups are great places to meet lesbians.

Ramon: What can gay men learn from lesbians?

Kathy: Lesbians really know how to make and keep friends. Many lesbians remain best friends with their ex-lovers! I think gay men can also learn the value of sensible shoes and how to throw an awesome Superbowl party!

Kathy Belge is the Lesbian Life Guide for About.com and the co-author of the book, Lipstick & Dipstick's Essential Guide to Lesbian Relationships (Alyson Books).

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Was Leonardo da Vinci Gay?

Answer: The late Renaissance painter, poet, designer, architect and inventor, Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) is famous for his paintings of the Vitruvius Man, The Last Supper and Mona Lisa, to name just a few masterpieces. Through his art, Leonardo da Vinci depicted the complexities and perfection of the human form and was often thought to represent a melding of both humanity and divinity through mathematics, science, music, paint and poetry. (more Leonardo da Vinci)

Rumors of Leonardo da Vinci's Sexuality

Speculation over Leonardo da Vinci's sexuality began when he was 24 years old after his arrest on charges of sodomy, a serious crime in 15th century Florence. No witnesses appeared to support allegations da Vinci had sexual relations with a seventeen-year-old male model, thus the charges were dropped.

Although allegations of Leonardo da Vinci's homosexuality were never substantiated, rumors continued to circulate among those who analyzed his depiction of young boys in his paintings, his portrayal of an effeminate John in The Last Supper, and the fact that he had several young male proteges and no wife and kids.

After the hearings, Leonardo kept his personal life extremely private. At the time, unfavorable rumors or negative public attention was detrimental to the career of an artist, such as da Vinci, who was dependant upon the support of patrons and the Church.

Today, we are left with mere speculation as to the same-gender-loving feelings Leonardo da Vinci may have expressed in his personal life and his art. Regardless of his sexuality, Leonardo da Vinci should be (and is) remembered as the most influential Renaissance artists in our history.

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Dealing With Rejection

Coming out can be a risk and isn't always a pleasant experience, especially if you've been rejected by family or friends. How you deal with this situation can make all the difference between becoming a statistic or leading a healthy same-gender loving lifestyle. These common questions and answers can help deal with the potential aftermath of coming out.

Q:
My family hates gays. Won't they reject me if I come out?

A:
Not everyone is comfortable with same-gender loving people in any form (being gay or bisexual), which makes coming out to others a risky choice. To most, the rewards far outweigh the backlash from a not-so-comfortable family member. But first, you must get to that stage of self-acceptance (see coming out step-by-step).

Many of us tend to assume that an openly homophobic family includes everyone. Often times, we don't give all of our family members an equal change at communicating their comfort level. We either shut them all out or let them all in depending on the response of those in which we look for the most acceptance (usually our mothers, fathers or primary caretaker).

Some family and friends will accept you for who you are. They may not vocalize it right away, but they will once they've had time to process your revelation. This may be a cousin, sibling, uncle, aunt or several aunts. If you choose to confide in one, confide in them all. Don't let the rumor mill do the job for you. You'll inevitably lose some loved ones in the battle, but continuing a relationship with those that love you unconditionally is a beautiful experience.

Q:
But how do I deal with the pain of rejection?

A:
It can be devastating when someone you love (and thought loved you) rejects you because of your sexuality. This is one of the main reasons why the gay teen suicide rate is more than 30 percent of all teen suicides. Don't become a statistic! People reject others based on their own fear or comfort level. These feelings are their issues, not yours.

Most gay men experience some emotional pain after coming out. Know that there is a loving support network out there for you. It may be the previously mentioned gay-affirmative family member or friend or a newly formed family of other gay people. Surround yourself with these accepting and positive people. Talk through your pain even if it is difficult. Confiding in others with similar experiences can be very helpful; and releasing your old coming out wounds will greatly help move on to a healthy and fulfilled gay lifestyle. This takes time and a lot of forgiveness of yourself and others, but the liberation is well worth it. Find a support network and some one who can help you through this tough period of your life. Ultimately, only time and some work will heal your wounds. Let the pain out, so you can move on.

Q:
There are no gay centers near me and I have no gay friends. Who can I talk to?

A:
Many gay or questioning men feel lonely and afraid after they come out. When I came out, I remember feeling like I was the only inhabitant of a remote island with no chance of escape- longing for someone to help me and understand my pain. Don't wait to be rescued, there is help only a phone call or url or chat away. Many glbtq people (both questioning and out) turn to gay community centers for support programs with professionals available to help you. The atmosphere is open, confidential and friendly. Most gay centers also have a safe and anonymous crisis help line. If there is no center near you, call their help line for assistance.

Some gay men also turn to discussion forums on the net, creating an online family. Be weary of negative comments and advice. Turn your back on any negativity or judgements against you- you've had enough of that. Also, be cautious when meeting others online (read online safety tips). Your safety should always be your top priority.

Some gay men also get professional help to guide them through the aftermath of coming out. Find a gay-affirmative therapist to help you heal your pain. Seeing a therapist doesn't mean you're crazy or mentally ill. The right professional can greatly accelerate your healing process, helping you develop a new prospective on life and ultimately a new beginning. continued...

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GLBT National Help Center

The GLBT National Help Center, formerly the Gay & Lesbian National Hotline, is a national non-profit organization that is dedicated to meeting the needs of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community and those questioning their sexual orientation and gender identity.

The center provides helplines for both adults and youth on issues such as coming out, relationship and family problems, sex, and HIV/AIDS. The center also maintains a database of national organizations and local resources, including gay-friendly religious organizations, sports leagues and student groups.

The GLBT National Help Center provides email and phone support (1-888-843-4564) for LGBT and questioning people, including a help line for LGBTQ youth (1-800-246-7743).

View the original article here

Online Dating Interview

It's been some time since 25-year-old Joey and his boyfriend recently broke up. He's ready to get back into the dating scene. He goes out to bars and social events, but also wants to try meeting guys online.

Ramon: Do you find it difficult to meet guys?

Joey: Well, I live in the city and people are always on the move. I used to chat online and meet tricks, but I'm tired of it.

So, you're looking for a more permanent situation, then?

I want to start as friends and then eventually more.

But, why online?

Where else? Definitely not at the bars. I've heard stories of guys meeting at the grocery store, but that's never happened to me.

Were you embarrassed when you first started?

Yes, but I got over it. My best friend forced me to post my picture and practically wrote my profile for me. The first response I got from a guy asking me out on a date pretty much changed my opinion.

And what opinion was that?

I don't know. That I was desperate or something.

You know, some people are concerned about their safety when dating online.

Well, you have to be safe in every situation. You can meet a total psycho at the bar or on the street the same as you can online. You just have to be careful. At least you can screen a guy online.

Screen?

Well, if you don't like a guy or they're not what you're looking for, you just stop responding and never meet in person.

So, what was the worst online dating experience you've ever had? Why'd you have to screen him?

Well, I met this guy and we emailed back and forth for a couple of weeks and then we decided to meet. He seemed totally normal on email, but as soon as we met he started to scare me. He kept looking over his shoulder and would never make eye contact. He even went to the bathroom at least 5 times in a half hour. Needless to say, we never went out again.

Wow, with experiences like that do you think you'll meet "the one" online?

I'm not sure, but I have to leave my options open. Maybe this will work or maybe I'll just have to hang out in the grocery store. *laugh*

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Why Can't I Legally Marry M...

Dear Ramon,

I am all for gay/lesbian rights. I have been gay for a very long time and I feel that anyone who wants to marry the one they truly love (whether it be same-sex or not) should be able to. I am currently involved in a relationship with a female and I love her very much. We hope that one day it will be aloud for us to get married and it be honored. We plan on getting married in February in Las Vegas. But our marriage wont be honored in the U.S.

We are also wanting same-sex marriages honored in the Military. My girlfriend is currently enlisting in the Army and wants to pursue her career, but now she's having second thoughts because the Army will not let us live together while she's enlisted. She will also have to live on base. We will then be separated until she is discharged in 4 years and who's to know if our relationship will be able to last. I don't think it's fair at all. And I just want you all to know that I pray every night that they legally honor same-sex marriages. I don't lose the faith cause it's all I have. Do you have any info that will help me in my situation?

-Elizabeth Carmona

Elizabeth,

Thanks so much for writing! Same-sex marriage and gays in the military are hot topics right now and I feel it's only a matter of time before gays will prevail! I love to hear stories about gay and lesbian relationships and the pursuit for a normal and equal life. Here's how you can help the marriage cause. Sign up or volunteer for Millions for Marriage. You can also seek help for you and your partner from the Servicemen's Legal Defense Fund and the Don't Ask, Don't Tell Survival Guide.

You can also stay up to date on these and other issues on the Gay Life site:

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Hard Time Finding a Date

Hi Mona Lisa,

I need help meeting a man. There are a lot of gay men here in DC, but I don't do clubs, bars, and I drink every blue moon. I do workout and I'm friendly, but most people find me to be unapproachable. The Internet is not working well for me, either. What can I do to be more sociable and meet men? I like sports, but how do you know these men are gay at sports bars and events?

This is hard because I don't have a gay outlet. I'm out here by myself in this lifestyle. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Shipwrecked in DC

Dear Shipwrecked,

At the end of the rags to riches film, The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Gardner's son (played by the young Jaden Smith) shares a little story with his dad: "There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said 'Do you need help?' and the man said 'God will save me.' Then another boat came and tried to help him, but he said 'God will save me,' then he drowned and went to Heaven. Then the man asked God, 'God, why didn't you save me?' and God said 'I sent you two boats, dummy!'"

This is no Sunday school lesson, but it has relevance. Basically, your love boats are sailing right in front of you. There are plenty of outlets available, you just don't recognize them. As gay men, we're so conditioned into thinking that the only place to find a date is in the bars or clubs. Yet elsewhere, on the sidelines, are good quality gay men that spend their time pursuing their interests as opposed to the next drink special.

The formula is simple (even though the execution might take some practice): Find men who participate in the activities you're interested in.

You say you workout. Well, last time I scanned the free weights section, it was filled with a wide variety of gay men. It may seem awkward, but strike up a conversation or ask a cutie to spot you.

You like sports, so join a gay sports team (you'll find plenty of sports enthusiasts in your area at Outsports.com). Make a move on the court and then make one on the center that's blocking you.

Check out the events, group and club calendar at your local LGBT center. It may sound cheesy, but they have outdoor clubs, book clubs, talk and chat groups, social clubs, and a lot more. Take a look at their calendar and see if something catches your eye.

Also, volunteerism puts you on the fact track to finding a man. Scan the organizations in your area, especially gay ones and offer to help. There are tons of LGBT people that volunteer and what better man than one that shares your same interests and passions.

You say most people find you unapproachable? Assuming you're not talking about the after effects of a garlic obsession, you may want to try approaching them instead. It takes some practice being the conversation starter and a first strike flirter, but eventually you'll get the hang of it. The best way to quell your nerves when making the approach is to drop any expectations. Approach with no fear, because the worst that can happen is you'll end up back where you started.

It may not seem like it, but there are many more gay folks around you doing things that aren't traditionally associated with gay people.

You're belly-flopping by waiting for men to come to you or by thinking your only outlet is a bar. Take a swan dive into your interests and seek a love that shares the same. You may sink the first few times, but eventually a great man will come to your rescue.

Your captain cruise,
Mona

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Taking Boyfriends Home

Traveling home to see family and friends can be an exciting time. However, once you're in a relationship, travel planning is quite different. You're faced with the decision whether to travel home alone or take your partner or boyfriend. Choosing the latter requires additional preparations as you consider the dynamics of introducing your boyfriend to family and friends. The decision can be quite challenging, whether you're out or not. Use these tips as a guide to traveling home with your boyfriend:

Be sure your partner is ready to meet your family.

Introducing your significant other to family members is a big step. Talk with him well in advance and be absolutely sure both of you are comfortable with the idea and the potential outcome. Pay careful attention to the warning signs: hesitation from you or your partner, resistance or uneasiness. It may be an uncomfortable situation for both of you, so be sure the decision is mutual.

Give your family advanced warning.

If you are out to your family, have a candid conversation and introduce the idea of your partner coming home with you. Once again, pay careful attention to their reaction and any red flags. Explain that your partner is a significant and important part of your life and that it would be great if they could take this opportunity to get to know him. Keep in mind, even if they accept your homosexuality, they may not be ready to meet your partner.

If you are not out, consider how comfortable you and your partner will feel hiding your relationship. Also, it is possible they may find out while you are visiting. Are you prepared for the consequences, if any?

Don't use your boyfriend to make a statement or prove a point.

If you're not out to your family and plan on coming out during your trip home, you may want to consider introducing your significant other at another time. Your sexuality may be a huge adjustment for both you and your family. Given they understand your sexuality, you may want to bring up the idea that you have a partner even though it may not be an appropriate time to bring him home.

If your sexuality is not taken well, then try not to bring your partner home as a statement of your freedom and choice. This may be liberating for you, but keep in mind that your partner may feel uncomfortable.

Also, threatening the family that you will bring him home regardless of their feeling or bringing up the fact that other family members are allowed to bring their significant others home may not be the best approach. Try to talk to your family about how important it is to you that they meet your partner and how significant it will be for them to see your homosexuality as a normal part of life. Threats and arguments will only get those involved on the defensive. Try the peaceful and open approach. Protect your emotions and your partner's.

Allow time for you, your partner and family to get comfortable.

It may take time for your partner and your family to get comfortable with one another. Be yourself and act naturally. Understand that this may be new to your family and your partner. Try to break down the walls by sharing family stories and bringing your partner into conversations. Share stories about your relationship as well. Humor is usually a good ice-breaker. Also, as a quick test of comfort, encourage your partner to play with the kids. It's just a matter of time before someone tells your 2-year-old nephew to go see "Uncle So-and-So."

Remember, your partner may feel isolated and afraid.

Even in heterosexual relationships, significant others can have a hard time meeting the family. Keep in mind, your boyfriend may feel nervous about meeting your relatives. You know your family and can anticipate their behavior and reactions; your partner doesn't. Don't worry if your partner is planning an escape route or has last minute jitters. Talk him through it and assure him that his comfort is important to you.

If things don't go well, don't force the situation.

Remember, your relationship with your family is something that should be worked out between you and them. Bringing your partner into the situation will only make him uncomfortable. If things don't go quite as planned, count your losses and try to introduce your significant other some other time.

If things do go well, thank your loved ones for their acceptance.

There's no special prize for being gay just as there isn't for being straight, but recognize that your family and your partner have made significant strides in the midst of a highly emotional and uncomfortable situation. Thank them for making the integration of two significant parts of your life easier. Also, give yourself a huge pat on the back for making it through a trip home with your partner!

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Versatile Sex

Hi Mona:
I was sure I liked being on the receiving end of sex until one day my boyfriend told me he thinks he prefers the same role. I'm vers so I thought: Ok, I'll give it a go and see what happens.

Well, it turns out that anal sex is very uncomfortable for him... for both of us, actually. So yeah, we decided to continue with the non-penetrative stuff which was fine for a while but then I started getting fed up with it!

So after a long time of begging him to top, we finally went for it. It was very awkward to say the least and it wasn't long before he asked me to stop despite the fact that I was enjoying it.

Now, every time I mention anal sex he talks about how he would like to be passive and not active and blah blah... But every time I try and top, he says no and tells me he's not ready. What do I do?

-In Love, But Confused

Dear Bumping Cushions:
It's obvious that you have a sexual compatibility issue, but this is an opportunity for you to tune your vers skills. Your boyfriend isn't an old couch cushion, neither is he a plastic toy to be adjusted at your command. Good topping and bottoming happens more in the prep than in the actual poke and prod. He wants you to take the lead. But in order to do so, you have to know how to get him ready to top by helping him be a good bottom. Good sex is more than just hitting the bullseye.

If you want some good lovin' (the type that you sounds like you need), then give your boyfriend three times the pleasure that you expect for yourself. You can't just drop your low-rises and go at it. Your man wants some intimacy, some prep.

Any ya-hoo can get in a car and make it go. But a real driver learns how their baby moves; what it's capable of; what it desires; how it likes to be handled; and what it likes in him.  When a driver makes a solid connection with his ride and earns its trust, more times than not it'll return the favor by letting him redline all night long. 

Park it and get to know how your baby likes to be handled. Then you can start teaching him how to handle you.

Yours in overdrive,
Mona

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Coming Out Thirties

I fear my coming out story follows the arc of so many other gay men who struggled for years with their sexuality.

Though I dated women into my thirties, I was more often than not a failure in the bedroom. And once in my thirties, I was a complete failure.

Embarrassed, humiliated I would apologize to the the woman (who almost always were understanding, sympathetic and supportive, blaming my failure on alcohol, stress, what-have-you. And then drink myself into a daze back at my apartment only to look for another woman within days knowing that this time I'd be able to "perform." Of course, I never did.

In my mid-thirties, I was at Madison Square Garden with some male buddies at a Knicks game. Partway in, I realized I was focusing on one individual Kicks player. He was a stunning male speciman: tall, muscular, dark ebony, with powerful African features. I was mesmerized, in awe of his almost other-worldly beauty.

That night, alone in bed, I fantasized about this player. At first, as a presence on the court, then hanging out with him, having a few beers. As the night wore on, I began to imagine the two of us alone, in my apartment, kidding around, wrestling, and then embracing, and finally kissing, making out...

The next day, I was confused, angry, disgusted with myself. But this stunning African-American man stayed in my mind. Dominating my thoughts. Weeks, months went by. And I found myself casually eying men, especially black men. And it was many months before I realized I barely looked at women anymore, only men. On the street, on movie lines, in the park, everywhere. Men—black and white, all men—were front-and-center in my mind, as sexual objects. I fought their growing power, drinking more, staying home, eating takeout. But after a year of misery, emotional distress, I stared at myself in the mirror and mumbled, barely audible, "Am I gay?" Even though it would be many months before I actually answered my question with an unequivocal "Yes."

It was really at that moment when I realized I was a gay man. And it was many years, when I was in my forties, before I actually embraced my homosexuality and came out of the closet. At last, I was myself, gay, out and proud.

-Dan Collier

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Same-Sex Couple Statistics

The number of same-sex couples in the United States increased by more than 20% between 2000 and 2005. Los Angeles-based research and policy group, The Williams Institute, theorizes that this increased in the number of gay and lesbian couples may have to do with their increased willingness to disclose their sexuality.

According to the Williams Institute, the almost 770,000 same-sex couples living in the United States (based on 2005 data), live in every county and in every state. They are racially and ethnically diverse and have partners who depend upon each other financially. However, 20% of same-sex couples in the States are raising children. It's important to note that these parents have fewer economic resources, lower household income and a lower rate of home ownership than heterosexual married couples.

Same-sex couple are also: More racially and ethnically diverse than heterosexual couples.
California houses the most same-sex couples in the country with 92,138, followed by New York at 46,490.
There are more male same-sex couples (51%) than female (49%).
Same-sex partners are 40-years-old on average, eight years younger than the average heterosexual partner.

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Gay Celebrity: B. D. Wong

B.D. Wong is the only actor to ever recieve five major New York awards for his theater performance in "M. Butterfly". Those awards include the Tony Award, the Drama Desk Award, the Outer Critics Circle Award, the Theater World Award, and the Clarence Derwent Award.

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Equal Rights and Tragedy

Imagine receiving a phone call that your partner or child has been in a terrible accident or the victim of a life-changing event- a call that we all dread in everyday life, during times of war and natural events. The fear and anxiety is overwhelming as you scramble to the nearest hospital or make frantic calls to see if your loved one will indeed be ok.

Gay couples in committed relationships and with adopted and natural born children face family crisis such as this every day. However, they are left powerless to make medical decisions or to maintain their lifestyle through benefits and aid should the worst happen.

What's the Issue?

When most people formulate an opinion over gay marriage, the issue centers around a comfort level with the sexual relationship between same gender loving people. Being an lgbt person is more than what happens behind closed doors. There are key factors of gay relationships that are often not considered or misunderstood.

Do Gay Couples Want More Rights Than Others?

Gay couples seek the same life-long commitments and families that others desire. However, same gender loving people are left without protection for their loved ones, such as the authority to make medical decisions, handle insurance claims, supervise estate planning, receive relief aid and other very important benefits of marriage. These basic needs are no more and no less than what others have come to expect in times of crisis; givens written in the small print of our institution of marriage that most consider a natural right, not something that requires additional consideration.

What Does This Mean for Gays?

A gay partner of ten years must sit and watch his partner on life support without the legal right to make a decision on his survival. A lesbian resident of Florida who loses her partner in a tragedy also faces losing the children they raised together because she could never legally adopt them. A gay partner cannot receive disaster relief assistance for his missing partner because they have no legal ties; just as with the partners of many gay 9/11 victims who did not meet the eligibility requirements for federal aid not due to inadequate proof of relationship or financial ties, but because there was no legal basis for their commitment.

Under the Federal Defense of Marriage Act, same-sex couples cannot receive assistance from the Federal Emergency Management Agency, the overseers of disaster recovery on American soil. State level and Social Security benefits are only allocated to legally defined married couples as well, which does not include gays.

When gay advocates speak of gay rights, they speak of equal rights not special rights. Gay couples, who live without the legal protection of gay marriage or gay adoption (a move that the American Academy of Pediatrics, American Psychological Association, North American Council on Adoptable Children and other organizations support), want the comfort and ability to make important decisions and protect their families in times of crisis. A time when families are strengthened through love and support even in the wake of tragedy.

Here are 10 ways you can support gay rights and help gay victims of tragedy protect their families.

Support Disaster Relief:

More on Gay Marriage and Gay Adoption:

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Trust Issues in Relationships

Dear Ramon,

My boyfriend of 4 months and I are currently on shaky ground. About a year ago, he walked in on his boyfriend of 2.5 years cheating on him. Now, I feel like I'm dealing with the consequences because he is constantly second-guessing my intentions and is nervous about me going out or even talking to friends online. He often blows things out of proportion, which turns into a huge argument.

I'm getting frustrated with always having to justify my actions, and he is constantly questioning me. I would never cheat on him, because I see the effects of it, but is there hope for us? How can I build trust in my relationship?

P.S. We are both tops. we've been finding thirds to bottom for us.

Dear Rebound,

Unfortunately, you married into a relationship with a guy who has a ton of bad emotional credit, which we all tend to do from time to time. The only problem is, the person seeking the help is usually not the one with the problem.

Your guy is used to having his love checks bounce. All it took was one bad incident to overdraw his emotional account; but it's not fair to continually make you pay the overdraft fees. Your relationship will never survive without trust and he is severally lacking it. Building this trust of course takes two, but he must first heal from his previous heartbreak. When he questions your activity, he's seeing his old cheating boyfriend, not you.

If you want this love to last (which it sounds like you do), it's time to pull out the emergency stash. Encourage your man to talk about his frustrations. Sure, he's told you the story before, but this time we're going to draw out all of that negative emotion and replace it with your positive love.

Reserve a night alone with no distractions. Turn off the TV and the cell phones and just have a chat together. Tell him how you feel about the situation. Reassure him that you care and understand that he has been hurt in the past. Show him that you both will heal from his trauma together. Ask him what about your behavior reminds him of his previous cheater. Explain how your behavior is based on good intentions. Also express how you feel when he distrusts you. Tell him you want a relationship based on trust.

Be firm about what you want out of the partnership, but be understanding of his needs. Don't be afraid to go into the emotional depths of your relationship; we're trying to salvage it, not avoid it. Do avoid arguments, though. Base the discussion of how you feel, how he feels and try to come to a mutual understanding of each other. Keep in mind, you cannot repair his previous pain or low self-esteem for him. He must be open and willing to meet you half way.

And by the way, need I comment on adding a third sexual partner into an already fragile relationship? That's like buying something when you're broke. Sure it feels good during the purchase, but when you get home you'll quickly realize that it wasn't worth a negative account balance. Include your sex life in this chat you're going to have with your man. If you're both die hard tops, then you need to decide what's more important: saving your relationship or satisfying a craving. Random thirds will inevitable kill a union (read Three's a Crowd).

Someone has to bend here; and I think if you play your cards right you can reach a mutual understanding.

Yours in love,
Ramon

More Love & Sex Advice:

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Freddie Mercury's Scandal

September 5, 1946 – November 24, 1991

Freddie Mercury was born Farrokh Bulsara on previously British-owned, but now Tanzania-owned, island Zanzibar. Mercury first learned to play the piano at St. Peter's boarding school in India. In 1964, at age 17, the Zanzibar Revolution forced he and his family to England, where he earned a Diploma in Art and Graphic Design at Ealing Art College. He later used his talents to design his band's famous Queen crest.

Singer, songwriter, pianist and vocalist Freddie Mercury was the famed frontman of the British group Queen- famous for the songs "Bohemian Rhapsody," "Crazy Little Thing Called Love," and "We Are the Champions."

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Gay Wedding Planner

Rings and Jewelry

Traditionally, partners purchase each other engagement rings and then exchange commitment rings during the ceremony. These are physical expressions of your lasting love. You can rings, bracelets, necklaces or any other symbol of your commitment.

Attire

You and your partner have complete control over the atmosphere and formality of your ceremony. Agree on an attire that best fits your vision of the ceremony. You can marry in tuxedos, suits, formal wear or even casual dress. However, if renting tuxedos be sure to reserve them at least 3 months in advance (keeping in mind their busy seasons- school dances and proms, etc.) If you have a traditional wedding party (bridesmaids and groomsmen) make sure you communicate the expected attire at least 3 months in advance. Many tuxedo rental stores offer package deals for wedding parties.

Wedding Cake

Have you always dreamed of eating a multiple layer wedding cake or do you simple want a sheet cake with you and your sweetheart's names? Take ample time to discuss what type of cake you want. Also, call your local bakery at least 2-3 months in advance to be sure the cake is ready to be delivered to your reception.

Florist

Floral arrangements take time to prepare and can sometimes be costly. Budget at least 10% on flowers. Contact your florist of choice for recommendations on seasonal arrangements, prices and time to delivery.

Honeymoon

Plan a romantic getaway for just you and your partner. Choose a location and activities that fit your tastes and budget. Honeymoons can range from a weekend in a local hotel suite to cruises and trips to exotic islands. Book hotels and cruises at least 10-12 months before your ceremony.

Gay Marriage & Commitment Ceremony Calendar

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Understanding HIV and AIDS

What Is HIV?

HIV or Human Immunodeficiency Virus is an illness that causes AIDS by attacking the T-cells within the body, reducing the effectiveness of the immune system.

How Is HIV Spread?

HIV is contracted through exposure to bodily fluids such as blood, semen and vaginal fluids.

What Is AIDS?

AIDS is a disorder caused by HIV. AIDS or Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome affects the proper functioning of the immune system, increasing the susceptibility of contracting viruses or cancer. AIDS is transmitted through bodily fluids such as blood, saliva and semen. There is currently no cure for AIDS.

When Is AIDS Diagnosed?

The human body contains cells called CD4+ which help our bodies fight infection. The HIV virus attacks these "helper cells" making it difficult for the body to fight illnesses. A person is diagnosed with AIDS when the amount of CD4+ cells fall below a certain level.

Are Gay Men The Only People That Get HIV?

No. Heterosexuals, including women and children, also suffer from HIV and AIDS. Read more: AIDS Is Not Just a Gay Disease

Is There a Cure for HIV or AIDS?

Currently, there is no cure for HIV or AIDS.

Can HIV and AIDS Be Treated?

There have been significant improvements in HIV medications, helping infected people live longer and healthier lives. Learn more about HIV medications here.

How Else Can Gay Men With HIV Live a Healthy Lifestyle?

People living with HIV and AIDS can benefit from living a healthy lifestyle.
Avoid Smoking and Illegal DrugsJoin a Self-Help Group. Find one here.Get Plenty of RestStart an Exercise Routine and DietKeep Stress at a MinimumEnjoy Live and Find a Friend to Talk To
Someone I Know Has HIV, How Can I Help? Lend a Listening EarAllow Them To Make DecisionsAssist Them With Household Chores and ErrandsTake Them on Trips or Other ActivitiesShow Them You Love ThemRespect Their Privacy by Not Disclosing Their Personal InformationStay Positive and Help Them Keep a Positive Attitude
Where Can I Get Tested?

Contact the National HIV Testing Resource or your local gay community center for a testing center near you.

Where Can I Get Help?

The Center for Disease Control has set up a national helpline for those living with or affected by HIV and AIDS.

Related Resources:

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Gay Cocktail Recipes

A gay brunch, cocktail party or dinner date is not complete without these mixed drink and cocktail recipes: The Perfect Cosmopolitan Cocktail
What you need: Vodka, Lime Juice, Triple Sec...
A Great Gay Mojito
What you need: Light Rum, Mint Leaves, Club Soda...
Smooth Gay Martini
What you need: Gin/Vodka, Dry Vermouth...
The Gay Fuel Mimosa
What you need: Champagne, Orange Juice...
Mary Margarita
What you need: Tequila, Triple Sec...
Bold Gay Bloody Mary
What you need: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Lime...
Diva Daiquiri
What you need: Light Rum, Powdered Sugar, Lime...Do you have a great brunch cocktail that your gay friends can't party without? Submit your gay cocktail recipe.

*If you or a loved one have recognized an alcohol abuse problem, please seek help with a qualified addiction specialist. Most gay community centers have addiction/abuse support groups.

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Gay Immigration Rights

A group that wants immigration reform for gay partners marches in the Long Beach Pride Parade.

© David McNew/Getty ImagesUpdated: February 13, 2009

Binational Couples and Same-Sex Immigration

Say you meet the man of your dreams while vacationing in a foreign country. After some time you both tire of the distance and desire to be together. Should you move to his country of residence or should he move to yours? The immigration policies in whichever country you choose determines whether either of you will be able to sponsor the other for legal citizenship.

In most countries, heterosexual citizens can sponsor their foreign partners for legal residence. However, only 19 countries throughout the world allow lesbian and gay citizens to sponsor their foreign partners. As a result, many gay and lesbian binational couples are forced to either live apart in their respective countries of citizenship or live illegally in one country.

The United States and Same-Sex Immigration

The Defense of Marriage Act of 1996 prohibits federal recognition of same-sex couples in the United States. Therefore, the gay and lesbian foreign parnters of legal U.S. citizens are not recognized for immigration purposes.

In response to America's lag in gay immigration rights, in 2000 the Permanent Partners Immigration Act was introduced by Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-NY), then in 2001, 2003, 2005 (under the title "Uniting American Families Act"), and again in 2007. The bills were referred to the House Judiciary Committee, without progress.

In the latest push for equal immigration rights, Rep. Nadler and Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT) have co-sponsored the Uniting American Families Act of 2009 in both the House of Representatives and Senate. The bill, introduced on February 12, 2009, would allow gay nationals to bring their partners into the United States under the same criteria as heterosexual nationals.

According to the American Civil Liberties Union, approximately 75% of the 1 million green cards issued in the United States yearly are issued to family members of U.S. citizens and permanent residents–most of which are heterosexual spouses. The 2000 U.S. census records 6% of the 594,391 same-sex "unmarried partners" are comprised of one citizen and one non-citizen.

Binational gay partners are thus forced to either live apart or violate immigration policies, which can result in deportation. More on Gay Immigration Rights >>

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Threeway Relationships

Hi Mona,

I'm 24 and my bf is 25. We've been together for seven years. I know this guy who we want to bring into our relationship. I'm still not sure if that's a good idea, but we want to do it. This guy is close to the family and we think it is going to be a good idea. At some point our relationship kind of got boring, but we still love each other. We think by taking this guy into our relationship it's going to help us, three, make a better and more positive relationship.

Thanks,
JonyCuba

Dear Bermuda Triangle,

What you are seeking is a trinogamous relationship, which is serious business. They take three times the work, if you get my drift. Mere threesome chasers are in it for a quick thrill; tris are looking for additional long-time companions.

My concern is that you aren't seeking an odd man to compliment an already solid relationship, but defaulting to another person to fix what you and your boyfriend either can't or aren't willing to. This approach to relationship repair rarely works. Proof comes in the laws of mathematics, geometry to be exact.

Think of a trinogamous relationship as a triangle. Tri couples live in, what we could say, an equidistant three-sided structure of love. Each side is of equal length, takes equal care and the whole trifecta thrives on a solid connection between all three sides.

Multiple-person relationships take punctilious effort because there are too many variables. Once the triangle is broken the entire structure collapses: you may end up with the third guy; the third guy may end up with your bf; none of you may end up with each other.

You, my gay, are attempting to create a triangle with two sides that are already broken. An external person can't fix what you and your man can't repair internally. Adding a third may spice things up temporarily; but without first balancing your current relationship equation, your entire love triangle will inevitably collapse. Issues don't just go away, honey. They resurface over and over again until you deal with them.

As us math-heads can attest, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. To the non-math inclined, this means the best (and shortest) way to get somewhere is the direct approach—no twists, turns or roundabouts. If you want your relationship to go the distance, don't bring someone else into your drama: Go directly to the source.

Yours schoolin',
Mona

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Matthew Shephard Act

The Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act, signed by Pres. Barack Obama expands federal hate crimes legislation to include gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and disability.The Federal Bureau of Investigations didn't begin tallying national crime statistics or investigating hate crimes until 1924 under the direction of J. Edgar Hoover. And according to the FBI, the term "hate crime" didn't enter the national vocabulary until the 1980s.

In April of 1968, a week after the assassination of Martin Luther King, President Lyndon Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act of 1968, expanding the previous 1964 act to include race, color, religion or national origin.

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The History of Voguing

Definition:
A dance form popular in the 1970s and 80s. Voguing began in the Harlem gay scene as a non-aggressive battle between two feuding individuals- who chose to use dance instead of violence to settle differences. Voguing often imitated the perfect lines and flexibility of model poses seen in fashion magazine such as Vogue- of the which the dance got its name. No touching was allowed during vogue challenges, even though dancers would often become intertwined in each others extended arms, legs and hand moves. The voguer with the best dance moves was declared the winner of the battle. There were different styles of the vogue, including pantomimes or moves imitating the challenger.

Though voguing originated in the Harlem ball scene, it entered mainstream homes with Madonna's hit single "Vogue". Voguing later evolved into popular fundraising shows and individual dance styles. Today, most houses use a type of dance called the j. sette to challenge each other.

Choreographer, dance and runway teacher Willi Ninja was considered one of the best voguers of all time.

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Kissing

The key to kissing is to keep it simple. Physical intimacy is best when instinctual as opposed to outlined and calculated. However, I will offer some basic ideas.

Start small with a couple of soft, short lip kisses and build to longer deeper tongue kisses. With this technique helps build trust and intimacy with your partner. Also, let your tongue wander to other parts of the body. The neck, ear-lobes, and nipples are all highly erogenous areas of the body.

Every partner will vary in his preference, but it is up to you to figure out what turns him on. If kissing him in a particular spot continually provokes him to back away and giggle, then you've probably hit his funny bone and missed his erogenous zone. But that should not discourage you from trying something else.

Most importantly, be natural. Sex is an art, not a sport, although some athleticism may be required. There is nothing more enticing than a mate who is comfortable with his sexuality, so just let it flow.

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Domestic Partnership Benefits

Domestic partnerships are a form of union under which gay couples in some states or regions can formalize their partnerships. However, the benefits awarded to domestic partners fall short of the benefits of full legal marriage.

Below are the U.S. states that allow gay domestic partnerships (also see the list of places where gay partnerships are legal around the world).

California: California law grants domestic partnership to same-sex couples that meet the following criteria:Are at least age 18, unmarried, and not in another domestic partnership.Share a residence.Agree to be jointly responsible for one another's basic living expenses.Not be related in a way that would prevent them from legally marrying one another under California law.
Benefits of Domestic Partnership Under California Law: tort claims for spouses of injured or deceased people, including negligent infliction of emotional distress and wrongful death.Stepparent adoption.Continued health coverage for domestic partners and their dependent children upon the death of a covered state or local government employee.Death benefits and survivors' allowances for covered domestic partners in San Francisco (and San Mateo County if approved by its county board of supervisors).Health care decision-making on behalf of patients in some circumstances.Domestic partnership coverage options that group health care and disability plans must offer employers and associations whose plans cover spouses.Family and bereavement leave.Conservatorship, property transfer, revocation of bequests, statutory wills, and some estate administration rules.Personal income tax deductions for health insurance costs.Unemployment eligibility when an employee quits a job to accompany a relocating domestic partner.Disability claims-filing authority on behalf of incapacitated partners.
District of Columbia (D.C.): Benefits of Domestic Partnership Under District of Columbia (D.C.) Law: Hospital visitation rights.Domestic partnership registry in the mayor's office.Health insurance coverage for partners of district government employees.Family or bereavement leave.
Hawaii: Benefits of "Reciprocal Beneficiary" Relationships Under Hawaii Law: Any two unmarried people who are legally prohibited from marrying under state law (i. e., close relatives and same-sex couples) can register and qualify for some benefits that were previously available only to married couples.Hospital visitation privileges.Authority to sue for wrongful death.Family and bereavement leave.Treatment as spouses under some inheritance laws.
Maine: Benefits of Domestic Partnership Under Maine Law:
Oregon By state law, Oregon domestic partners are granted all the privileges, immunities, rights and benefits given to married couples in the State.
Washington: Benefits of Domestic Partnership Under Washington State Law: Hospital visitation privileges.Authority to authorize autopsies and organ donations in case of death.Inheritance rights.State employee partnership health benefits.State employee partnership pension benefits.

View the original article here

Gays And The 2010 Census

The United States Census Bureau will once again assess the American population with the 2010 Census. But will GLBT people be counted? The number of gay, lesbian, and bisexual couples could only extrapolated from obscure census questions. Previously under DOMA, the federal law defining couples as one man and one woman, the Census Bureau did not explicitly collect data on same-sex couples. Therefore, gay and lesbian-headed households were grouped into the "unmarried partner" category. However, on June 19, 2009, the agency announced that it would better count same-sex couples.

“They will be counted, and they ought to report the way they see themselves,” Steve Jost, a spokesperson for the Census Bureau stated. “In the normal process of reports coming out after the census of 2010, I think the country will have a good data set on which to discuss this phenomenon that is evolving in this country.”

Here's what gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people need to know for the 2010 Census: The 2010 Census will collect data on same-sex couples.
The census will not include questions about sexual orientation for individuals.
Respondents can only designate male or female on the survey. The question will not account for gender identity or expression.Learn more about the 2010 Census and LGBT people.

View the original article here

When Your Partner Won't Bottom

Dear Mona,

Sexually, I am the bottom in my relationship. My boyfriend refuses to top for me.

Even though he is only a year older, he has more sexual experience and has dated many more guys than I have. I feel as if he is not letting me experience new things. I've told him how I feel many of times and nothing has happened. Do you think I need more experience to be happy in this relationship? Should I be more aggressive or should I cheat on him to get what I want?

Dear Unplugged,

Your boyfriend's sexual history shouldn't be a reason to deny yourself pleasure. Experience in the bedroom doesn't always make someone a leading authority on anal versatility. I know of men that can put your boyfriend's scorecard to shame and still get complaints in the sack.

In gay relationships, we have the tendency to create dominant and passive roles. Sometimes, this happens naturally (as it should), but often dominance in the relationship is a result of one person's discomfort, lack of openness (no pun intended) or resistance to change. A true loving relationship is one of shared dominance. One may prefer a role, but is open to switching once in a while.

We gay men have the advantage of being both the plug and the socket, but many of us have created so many rules to the game that we miss out on tons of enjoyment. Some say they can only bottom for a big and burly sexual partner; others claim their partner's penis size dictates their role. Still some have the misperception that the recipient of anal sex is the weaker one. There are many, however, that approach anal sex strictly on the level of comfort and pleasure as it should be evaluated.

There should be no forced entry in a gay relationship. You shouldn't have to change who you are naturally to get what you want. There are reasons you may never discover as to why your guy won't drop 'em for you. If you've exhausted all opportunities and anal sex is a big enough issue to prompt you to look outside the relationship for sex, then maybe it's time to consider your options. Cheating is never the answer, but finding the right relationship is. You have every right to want to flip the script in the bedroom. A true loving partner would understand your needs and at least give it a try (or explain the reasons why they prefer not too).

Instead of spending the energy convincing him to take your lovin', attract the ideal man that is willing to share this part of you. The only catch is, this attraction has to start from within.

Get a piece of paper or journal and draw out your ideal man. List your dream man's qualities. Jot down as many detailed traits as you can. This is your private list so it can be as serious or silly as you want it to be. Then go after this ideal guy. Compare your present guy to this list. Don't focus on their lack, but notice how you've compromised. No person is perfect and the one you ultimately shag may not get a perfect score, but they should get darn close. Keep your list private and use it as your guide to happiness. Only you can determine which qualities you are willing to compromise on and which you are not.

Yours in love,

Mona

Where is Gay Adoption Legal?

Each state carries their own laws for single gays and lesbians and same-sex couple seeking to adopt. This index of adoption laws by state shows where gay and lesbian single and couple adoption is allowed:

Gay and Lesbian Adoption State-by-State
(What are the different types of adoption?)
Alabama
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Alaska
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Arizona
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Arkansas
Arkansas Act One prohibits unmarried couples (both same sex and opposite sex) from adopting or fostering children. More on Act One
California
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Colorado
Permits same-sex couple adoption. Also allows grandparents and other individuals helping raise the child to adopt.
Connecticut
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Delaware
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
District of Columbia
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Florida
Prohibits single and joint gay adoption.
Georgia
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Hawaii
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Idaho
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Illinois
Permits single GLBT and couples adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Indiana
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Iowa
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Kansas
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Kentucky
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Louisiana
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Maine
Permits single GLBT adoption. On August 30, 2007 the Maine Supreme Judicial Court ruled unanimously in their favor on grounds that prohibiting the adoption would be counter to Maine's Adoption Act. (read more)
Maryland
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint gay adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Massachusetts
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
Michigan
Permits single GLBT adoption. Prohibits joint adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Minnesota
Permits single GLBT adoption. Joint gay adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
Mississippi
Permits single GLBT adoption. Prohibits joint adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Missouri
Single GLBT and joint adoption unclear. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Montana
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
Nebraska
Single GLBT adoption unclear. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Prohibits second-parent adoption.
Nevada
Permits single GLBT adoption. Does not clearly prohibit joint gay adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
New Hampshire
Permits single GLBT adoption. Prohibits joint adoption. Second-parent adoption unclear.
New Jersey
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.
New Mexico
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed in some areas.
New York
Permits single GLBT and joint adoption. Second-parent adoption allowed.

View the original article here

viagra

Viagra abuse can increase the risk of infection with HIV or sexually transmitted diseases during sex, or can cause other health problems.

Viagra, manufactured by the pharmaceutical companies, increases the blood flow to the penis. This increases the risk of transmission or contracting HIV in the blood, especially during Oral Sex if either partner has a cut or scrape on their gums or even during anal if there are abrasions.

Learn more about HIV Here.

Committee Moves on DADT

On January 12th, the State Assembly Judiciary Committee officially endorsed a resolution calling for the repeal of the discriminatory federal policy known as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” Sponsored by Equality California (EQCA) and introduced by Senator Christine Kehoe (D-San Diego), the resolution calls on the United States Congress to pass and President Barack Obama to immediately sign the Military Readiness Enhancement Act of 2009, which would end the unfair policy and allow gay, lesbian and bisexual Americans to serve openly in the armed forces.

During the committee hearing, EQCA Executive Director Geoff Kors was joined by two former service members, Zoe Dunning, retired US Navy Commander and Service Members Legal Defense Network (SLDN) Board Co-chair, and Joseph Rocha, retired US Navy Master at Arms, 3rd Class, as well as SLDN Board member Julian Chang and West Hollywood Councilmember Jeffrey Prang in supporting the resolution.

“We applaud our lawmakers for taking a stand for equality in the military,” said EQCA Executive Director Geoff Kors. “I am confident the state of California will soon join the growing chorus of current and former service members who have called for the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.’ We urge President Obama and Congress to fulfill their promise to protect the rights of all Americans and to overturn this discriminatory policy immediately.”

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was first authorized in 1994. Since that time, more than 13,500 service members have been discharged under the policy, including more than 800 specialists serving in ‘critical operations,’ such as counterintelligence, medicine, and translation. According to a General Accounting Office report, 323 language specialists have been discharged, resulting in a critical shortage of qualified translators in intelligence gathering posts. Currently, 186 members of the U.S. House have signed on as co-sponsors to the Military Readiness Enhancement Act, which would repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and replace it with a policy of non-discrimination across the armed forces. Last year, 77 members of Congress sent a letter to President Obama requesting he immediately suspend discharges under the discriminatory policy.

“A soldier must display courage, patriotism, commitment and ability — none of which have anything to do with sexual orientation,” said Senator Kehoe. “Overturning this shameful policy will help ensure that gay and lesbian Americans will be afforded the same opportunities as any other American who wants to serve our country.”

More than 24 other nations currently allow gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals to serve openly in their militaries, including Canada and the United Kingdom, alongside whom American forces have served in combat. Recent public opinion polls show that a majority of both the American public and active service members believe the policy should be overturned and that gay and lesbian Americans should be allowed to serve openly in the military.

To find out more information about EQCA’s legislation, visit http://www.eqca.org/legislation.

Equality California (EQCA) is the largest statewide lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender-rights advocacy organization in California. Over the past decade, Equality California has strategically moved California from a state with extremely limited legal protections for LGBT individuals to a state with some of the most comprehensive civil rights protections in the nation. Equality California has passed over 60 pieces of legislation and continues to advance equality through legislative advocacy, electoral work, public education and community empowerment. www.eqca.org 

Hip-Hop Recording Artist Bry’Nt Speaks OUT!

Set your alarms and make sure you listen in tonight from 8-9 pm EST, for an hour of gay talk on Blog Talk Radio tonight as gayagenda.com brings you a very special guest…The incredibly hot and talented OUT, gay artist from NYC…Bry’Nt!

That’s right, Bry’Nt hails from NYC and is the hottest thing to hit the scene since…well…ever!

According to Bry’Nt:

The state of hip-hop is in disarray, and is looking for that person that is going to restore true artistry back to the art form. I’m coming to bring what the hip-hop community is lacking, diversity. I plan to take the music industry by storm! Being a Black man, that lives an alternative lifestyle, I’m hoping to change the way the hip-hop community views our world, and bring to light issues that are affecting us all day-to-day.

Check Out Bry'Nt on Facebook and MySpace